Dreaming is the only way that I can be next to you ♥

There is this one certain topic that people seem to try to avoid, but eventually everyone has to go through it. People come and go, in and out of your life; it can be your family, friend, or your other half. In my case, it is my family members---my grandparents and uncle who have left this world. I’ve been through so many tragedies in my life that no one would want to experience it. I was there when my grandpa took this last breath, I was there when I wiped my grandma’s tears on her death bed, and I was there for my cousins when they found out that their father is no longer here. The images of it hunt me and shot me in the heart every time I think about it. Yes, it hurts and yes, it is true that no one lives forever. Even though they may be physically gone, but they are mentally here. I learn to accept and let go because they lived their live to the fullest. They had and still have families, happiness, and lived their life over 30 to 80 years. I would rather see them in God’s hand then to see them suffer.

But there is this one person who is hard to let go, no matter how many months ago he left, some how he ends up creeping back in my mind. His name is Ralphy Nunez. Before, my reason was because I was being stubborn and selfish, but now I came to realize that the only reason why I can not let him go is because he was only 18! It is unfair to know that he did not get the chance to live his life to have a family of his own or just have a longer life, period. He was athletic, funny, smart, and sarcastic, and never took anything seriously.

I remember after he passed away, I would always have random dreams about him every other week. But about a month or two ago, my boyfriend and I went to visit him at the cemetery. I gave him flowers and letters. I remember I had to climb over my boyfriend's shoulder to put the flowers and letters in his cup holder box. His ashes box was so high that my boyfriend and I had a doubt that I would not be able to reach it, but for some odd reason I got it up there; it felt as if someone lift me up. Moreover, after I said my prayers, I kept crying to my boyfriend and bombard him with questions: “is Ralphy really going to read my letter? How would I know? Is he really gone? Why did he die? ” and all of a sudden, I was surrounded by winds. It was scary, but I told myself “Ralphy would not hurt me.”  because for some odd reason I felt his presence.

& The next day, I remember I had a dream of him for two seconds, he said “Holly? I read your letter =)” I know it sounds unreal, but why would I lie? Ever since then, I did not have any dreams about him. But a few nights ago before I went to bed, I was thinking to myself “wow, Ralphy is mean! He has not visited me in my dreams” because in the letter that I wrote, my last words to him was “come visit me in my dream someday” and obviously he has not. However, last night he finally did. I can not explain how scared and happy I am at the same time. I remember it so clearly, from words to words. I had a dream that I was in a room with five of his closes friend. The only one I knew out of that five was this guy name Jerry. I was in the corner room laying my head against Ralph’s chest and he was hugging me like a little girl, even though I’m older. I kept asking him questions like I always do when he was alive. I asked “are you really dead?” and I started to stuttered because I did not want him to see me cry, but eventually I did. He said “huh?” and I repeated myself while crying like a baby “are you really dead Ralphy?” He started laughing hard and said “awe, don’t cry! I’m not dead; you are talking to me right now aren’t you?” he kissed me on the cheeks like 3-4 times and started rubbing my arms and said “Look, I’m here. Its ok, it’s ok =)” And even though he said that, I just knew in my dreams that he was not and I was not scared because it felt so real. It felt like he was really there with me when he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. So, I asked “how did you die?” he responded “Well, I was in a dorm room with my friend Gabriella and Inirella. Gabriella was playing the piano and I wanted to join. So, Inirella came and gave me a violin and that shit was heavy! It was so heavy that it dropped and hit my foot. So I pretty much died because I lost a lot of blood.” Then I asked, “Do you get any of our prayers?” and he said “hells nah, they lie, dead people do not hear or get shit” Out of no where Jerry came and asked “how about comments?” and Ralphy got all excited and said “No, but ouuuuuu I’m going to on myspace right now!! And read what ya’ll be leaving me.” Right when he said that, I woke up and started laughing because he was still being SARCASTIC even when he is dead. Heavy ass violin? Hahaha, what the hell? He should have at least made up a better story. And not getting our prayers? What a liar.

Therefore, I came to conclusion that he did get to live his life to the fullest. He touched everyone hearts---he brought an unbelievable of joy and made us all laughed. He came into our life for a reason; it was to meet a need we all have expressed. He came to assist everyone through a difficulty, he provided us with guidance and support, aided us physically, emotionally and spiritually. He seems like a godsend and he was. He was here for the reason I needed him to be. And I realize that my need has been met, my desire fulfilled, and his work is done.

Thank you for making me smile while I’m sleeping. It feels good to know that you are still here for me. You are a bundle of joy♥ miss you more than anything (: enjoy your new home in Paradise. Rest in peace.